The start of 2020

I’ve never bought into the significance of a new year. Time is a social construct, in a way. Yes, we age and life moves on that’s not something we made up. But graduating college at a certain age, there being an acceptable age to have kids and get married and having your life together by the time you’re 21 are all socially made up. Those are norms.

But if I know this, then why do I insist on staying on society’s timeline of life?

No, I’m not counting down the days until I get married or have kids, in fact I don’t want either. But I do constantly wrestle with the idea that if I don’t have an established career be twenty then I’ll be too old. I turn twenty in a year and three months. The idea that Im still figuring my life out doesn’t scare me anymore, I’m exited. I can pour all my restless energy into other creative outlets that I have been itching to dive into but have been too scared.

So, I thought I’d be a good idea to blog about what I hope 2020 brings. To make concrete goals. Some will be traditional New Years resolutions and other won’t.

For 2020 I want to finally start to piece together the screenplay I have playing in my head. I want to continue practicing yoga, I’m challenging myself to do it everyday. To submit my poetry into my schools literary magazine. To. try and regulate my pcos symptoms more diligently. To stick to a budge and better improve my money habits. To take better care of my skin. Sit down and finally completely finish writing many of the hard written songs I have written down. STOP buying notebooks. Get vocal training.

Consciously reach out to people. I know that it takes a lot of energy from me, not because I don’t like my friends but because I’m not very good at maintaining relationships. When I’m with people i’ll give them my all but when we’re apart I tend to disappear like dust. Continue to teach yourself French. Read more than you already do. Read new things, not just things or genres you like.

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Not beat yourself up for not getting it right, in regards to my relationship with my mother. Not torture myself over not being family oriented. Control my temper. Be kinder. Stand up for yourself. Be bolder.

Go through 1-10, in regards to acting. Explore what a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 all look like in whichever part you have. Come up with a warm-up routine. Find movement to accompany this warm-up routine. Eat more oatmeal. Journal more in my actual journal. Read all the books I haven’t read before buying more.

Post regularly on this blog.

To not be ashamed or embarrassed in saying “I am an actress”, “I am an artist”, “I am a poet”, “I am…”. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. Do not feel bad if you don’t want to engage in a social event, don’t questions you motives for declining. It not that you don’t like them, you simply just don’t want to hang out.

Be kinder to yourself. It’s okay to love yourself while still wanting to better yourself. You aren’t perfect at all. You aren’t evil, you’re a good person.


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